Thursday, July 31, 2014

Chapter 11 Reunion with my Mother

July 31, 2014 

24 year anniversary of the day I first spoke to my birthmother 

Our first meeting

As I look at my journal written in real time, I realize that I failed to write about the actual visit to Florida. It was so momentous that I believed it would stay with me always. There are videos recorded so I guess that was my record. Pictures were taken of which I will share a few. I will write what I recall. 

The anticipation was overwhelming. How would we get along? Would we connect with each other? Would we relate to one another? Would we like each other? Questions were flooding my mind. I flew to Jacksonville, Florida alone. I could not wait to get there. When we were leaving the plane I told a stewardess about my story. She took my camcorder and filmed our reunion. It was beautiful. We saw one another at the same time. There was a recognition in our eyes. We ran into one another's arms. She hugged me tightly as if she did want let me go. We both shed tears. My adoptive mother had commented when I was a teen she did not know how I got such big feet. She only wore a size 8. I wore 9 1/2. Perhaps, because I was not born to her? 😉 The very first question I asked my birthmother was what size shoe she wore. She said 9 1/2. That was my first feeling of belonging in a family. 

We hugged and touched hands often. It was a feeling similar to falling in love, though, not in a romantic way. It was a euphoric heady feeling. This has been documented in reunion stories universally. I liken it to a genetic knowing. When a person is not adopted, they take seeing theirselves in their family's DNA for granted. It is just a part of life. For adoptees we never have that continuity until we give birth to our own children. 

My brother and sister were at my mother's house. We had a wonderful visit. I related very well to my siblings. My sister told me about her dream she had in April that she had two little sisters that were missing. I teased Shirley about that. Her answer to me was, "We won't talk about that now." Well, that was a rather cryptic interesting answer. When we were all sitting around visiting, we noticed how we all talked with our hands in the same way. Strange little likenesses were that I was drawn to collecting frogs beginning in my teens. My daughter did the same thing. My birthmother collected frogs. My birthmother and I share a love of licorice gum. My birthmother and I are both avid readers. 

This is a good place to fill in the basic circumstances of how I came to be. My father, Dr. Bill, his two brothers and his father were doctors at the Hubbard hospital. They were all veterans from WWII as well. My mother worked as an ex-ray tech. Her husband was in the army. He was stationed in Germany. She had three children. She did not have a car. Dr. Bill was also married with three children. He would often drive her home. One thing led to another and they had an affair. When she became pregnant they did discuss options. She said with him being a physician, abortion was not out of the question. However, it was her choice to give birth to me. She continued to work there until close to her time. She discovered her husband was coming home early when she was a month from her due date. She plotted with the doctor that was treating her. He admitted her to the old Edmond Hospital and induced labor a month early. I weighed only 4 lbs. I always knew I was a small baby. I was rather sad for my small self being ripped from the familiar warmth of her body too soon and given to strangers. I was told that I was a fussy baby. I believe that was the primal wound to my soul. Being taken from my biological mother where I felt safe, knew the smells and the sound of her voice set me on a course of confusion when I was too young to understand. 

She came back to Hubbard Hospital and told my father that I was stillborn. She knew he would not agree to have me adopted, I believe. He told me as much many times. He was quite bothered that he did not know that I lived. My grandfather, Dr. John C. pulled her into his office alone. He grilled her aggressively. He wanted to know what she did with that baby. She stuck to her story. He did not believe her.

Do you remember that biography that I discovered written about my grandfather? It was written in the year I was born. The last sentence in the book says, "All is well with the Hubbards." I was tickled when I read that because clearly not ALL was well with the Hubbards. 😉

Interestingly, at the time I was born, both of my parents were Protestant Christians. Dr. Bill was a Quaker turned Methodist. Shirley was a Presbytarian, I believe. My memory fails me at the moment. When I found them, they had both converted to Church of the Latter Day Saints independent of one another. At the time of our reunion, I was attending a Baptist church. I no longer practice organized religion, though, I remain a spiritual person of faith. The difference in our faith was a sticking point with Dr. Bill. He tried every which way to convert me, until I finally set boundaries letting him know I accepted him as he was. He would have to accept me as I am. 

Now, I return back to the journal written in 1990. 

August 27, 1990 

1:25 pm 
I am sitting in the Savannah airport waiting for my plane to leave to return home to my life's mate and dear companion and my two precious children. I am quite thoughtful at this moment as I have such mixed emotions. The man in the seat next to me gave me this paper after I shared my story and told him I felt the urge to write. He was quite touched with our story and, in fact, got tears in his eyes. That is what this does for people. How truly amazing. 

I am pondering life at this moment. What is the purpose of it all? From the moment I was created this time was ordained. We have been being prepared through the years to arrive at this place in time. We have gone through trials and pain, but never more than we could bear. Through the trials, we learned things to make us more compassionate toward others and through that we are able to touch people. 

I have never been particularly close to other women. I guess it's a competition thing, perhaps, or because women have hurt me. But, I now have in Mother a friend who I can be completely open with and know that it is okay. She and I have a real connection with one another. It is hard to comprehend, but we can be ourselves and hopefully we can help each other through some of the haunting memories of our past lives. I shared with her about the trauma in my childhood. Sadly, she also survived childhood abuse.  I know from experience that it is very important to be able to share feelings to get that poison out of souls. Communicating through writing or talking is very healing for me.

 I find it extremely difficult to leave Florida. I feel so at home there. I just want to plant myself in the midst of this family and bask in the love and joy I feel. That is not at all meant to take away from Jimmy and the children. I want to drag them with me to live near my family. I realize this is not possible, but I can have dreams now, can't I? I have missed so many years with Mother, Faith, and Madison and I need to be near to catch up.

 The situation with the Willingham's is perplexing to say the least. I have wanted to divorce myself from them so many times in the past I can not count. To be honest, a part of me feels relief that Ruth broke the ties. I feel duty bound though; obligated to care just because of the sheer number of years of connection we have had. People have said, "giving birth does not make a woman a mother." Well, adopting a child and providing for physical needs while neglecting the inner soul does not make one a mother either. Who knows what is right on this earth? Only our Father in heaven has all the answers. If Ruth never comes around, this I know for sure, I will be fine. It is truly her problem and I will no longer accept responsibility for her actions. God's love and time will heal the bitterness I feel and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

 

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Chapter 10 Getting to Know My Dad A Bit More

August 19, 1990 

I sang and gave a short testimony at an outdoor worship service. Bill and Anne came. He did not mind my telling people he is my father. In fact, I think he was proud. Annie seemed to be pleased with things as well. She and Jimmy hit it off from the beginning. They are cute together as Annie only comes about to Jimmy's waist! Bill made the statement to my friends that I am the only one of his that uses my God-given talent for music. He was just being a stinker with saying that. He liked things to be a certain way. I found him charming, but, he was used to being in charge. 😃 Later in life, his daughter began to perform professionally off Broadway. She is very talented. He was very proud of her as, am I.

He is everything I could have ever hoped for in a father. I told him that I love him when he hugged me at the hospital the next day.The strange thing is I do! I've only known him one week and I already love him. 

I leave for Florida in just two days. I can hardly wait. I have had a natural desire to find my roots for about two years now. I sure did not know what I was getting into at the time. I have learned how much genetics play a part in what you are. I never fit in with my family growing up. It was like oil and water, we did not mix. There was never a real bond because we could not understand one another. I felt like a freak many a time when we thought so differently about life. I will always care about Earl and Ruth because of all the years we have shared, but everyone that knows me well has heard me mourn the fact that we were never close. I have struggled to forgive the transgressions I underwent. But I KNOW without a doubt that I have truly been given a gift of a set of parents and siblings that I can now be myself with. NO MORE SECRETS! It feels SO good. My deepest prayer now is that Mom and Dad can understand this. 

 Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." 

How I know this to be true now deep within my soul. I have never been this happy and excited in my whole life. I just hope that I can always be careful to give God the glory for this mighty miracle. This closes the chapter on my search for my parents. But it is not an ending at all. It is a beginning of a brand new life filled with love for two new families that I am so proud to be a part of. I am grateful to all of these people for wanting to share their lives with me. I pray that I won't be a disappointment to them. If I could have picked parents when I began this search, I would have chosen Shirley and Bill. They are truly more than I could have ever hoped for. 

Looking back, this most certainly was only a beginning. I had no idea the spiral this would trigger within me. Issues from a traumatic childhood would begin to haunt me. My family would be affected in negative ways. The highs were high. But, the valleys were low as well. The decade of my 30 's were the hardest emotionally. At times, it seemed it would never end. But, it did get better. More on that later. My trip to Florida next. I promise...😃

Note: The first time I performed for my father I was nervous and insecure. I was anxious for his comment. His response? Dipthongs! You need to watch your dipthongs! Not what I expected or wished to hear, but, strangely very much in line with Dr. Bill. 😉

Annie, Dr. Bill and myself at an outdoor revival....


Annie, Dr. Bill and I a humorous moment. 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Chapter 9 My Father Comes Around

August 14, 1990

The next day, Dr. Bill called me and said he had something for me. He asked me to come to his house so I could meet his wife, Annie. We had a very comfortable talk. He still said he could not remember. But, regardless, he told me stories about his family. He spoke proudly of his son who is a doctor, his other son and his daughter who is also a singer. Annie is a jewel as well. They wanted to talk to Shirley to see if she could jog his memory. I called her first to make sure it was alright for him to call her. She said okay, but was really skeptical about his not remembering. At about 9:00 p.m., Dr. Bill called me and said, "She's right. You are my daughter." He said he seemed to recall a red nightgown. Shirley said she never owned a red nightgown. LOL! But, something she said jogged his memory. Annie talked to me as well saying, "We are ready and willing to accept you into our family as our daughter." They both want to meet with Shirley if she comes to OKC soon. This whole reaction blew my mind! 

In spite of a fear of the unknown, I always deep inside thought my mother would need to at least see me once for her own peace of mind. I think I would if I had given up a child. But, I NEVER in my wildest dreams expected to find an accepting father, let alone his dear wife as well. There is no doubt that this is from a Higher Power.  Later in the week, I was sitting in my office at the hospital where I work. I heard an overhead page for Dr. Bill Hubbard to ICU. He had admitted a patient into my hospital. I had never seen him there before. He just came there to run into me. He brought me a tape of his singing. He has visited me in my office twice when he made his rounds.

August 18, 1990 

I took my family to his house.We had a nice visit. It was storming when we left. We ran some errands on the way home. When I walked in the door the phone was ringing. It was Bill checking to make sure we were alright. He had seen the news there were some bad storms out our way. I felt so good. That was just like a dad! 

The first visit with my dad and my kids.


I think I look like my dad. 


This is short, I know. But it is a good stopping point. Coming up, I fly to Florida to meet my birthmother and siblings. ❤️❤️❤️

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Part 8 to My Story

August 6, 1990 

I went to the library on the way home from work. Shirley had told me that there was a book written about the Hubbard’s at one time. On the way home from work I decided to go to the OU Medical School Library to look at the yearbook to find a picture of Dr. Bill. As an afterthought, I stopped at the Downtown Library to look for the book Shirley told me about. I typed in the name Hubbard under authors and sure enough there was a book.  It was in a special room not to be checked out, but they told me I could have it sent to that library from Bethany. I filled out the paperwork to have it sent and then asked if I could look at it. When I found it the first page I opened had a picture of Dr. Bill as a young man. I again had that familiar feeling of cold chills because I could see myself in his eyes! It felt so spectacular to see a family resemblance. The book is called "An Oklahoma Rebel, The Life Story of Dr. John C. Hubbard." He was my grandfather. This book was such a gift. It has many pictures, including my great-grandparents, grandparents, siblings, uncles and cousins. I decided right then and there that I could not wait to have the book sent, so, I drove to Bethany to check it out that evening. 

Here is a link for the book. There are copies available. It is a rather interesting biography of my grandparents. They met as traveling actors/singers in OklahomaTerritory before it became a state. He became a doctor and opened Hubbard Hospital in OKC in the 1920's. He was instrumental in the creation of the Civic Center in OKC. His mother was a very active Quaker minister in OKC. She was a published poet. Elbert Hubbard who was an American artist, publisher, author and philosopher was my grandfather's cousin.  
 
http://www.amazon.com/OKLAHOMA-REBEL-Life-Story-Hubbard/dp/B000ICILX8/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1406007804&sr=8-6&keywords=An+Oklahoma+rebel

This is Hubbard Hospital. It was open from the 1920's until the 1970's. 


My Grandfather and grandmother. 

Dr. John C. Hubbard, self described as an Oklahoma rebel. My grandpa, I wish I had known him. 


Dr. Bill is on the left next to his brother, my uncle, Dr. John. 



When I arrived home, I had my first letter from Shirley. It contained pictures also. I have my mother's smile, I think. She is so cute. She looks like the kind of sweet mother you would want to just crawl up in her lap and snuggle. She also sent a family tree for me. Wow! In one day I suddenly had more information on my roots than most people do that are not adopted!


This was my mother a year before I was born. It is not the picture she sent in 1990. But, I like this one. Note the dimples my sister spoke about. 



This was me around the time that this was going on. 


 

One week passed from the time I got the book. I contacted the author of the book and he said he could sell me a copy. I wrote a letter putting my feelings in it to give to Dr. Bill, but I was unsure of how I was going to get it to him. 

August 13, 1990 

Eight weeks after finding out I was adopted, I went to buy the book. I was so blessed that the author had a book autographed by Dr. John C. Hubbard. When I left the authors house, I realized I was about a block away from my father's office. I prayed because I had been fearful of confronting Bill alone. I felt my core gut feeling say, "You don't need Jimmy, because, you are not alone. I am with you." I drove around the block several times and then sat in the parking lot watching patients coming and going for about fifteen minutes. Finally, I just got out of my car to go in. I had such a peace about it. My heart was pounding, but I felt now is as good a time as any. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? 

When I went in, the receptionist was on the phone and motioned for me to wait a minute. It was actually about five minutes but it seemed like an eternity. Just as the receptionist hung up the phone, Dr. Bill came out to the front desk. She asked if she could help me and I looked right at my father and said, "I have a letter to give to Dr. Hubbard." Then, I asked him if I could speak to him in private. 

We went into his office and I shut the door. I sat across the desk from him. I looked him straight in the face and said, "Dr. Hubbard, I am Katie. I am Shirley's daughter and that makes me your daughter, too." He denied ever having a sexual relationship with Shirley, but he was smiling in a sheepish kind of way the whole time we talked. I felt comfortable with him even though he was trying real hard to reject me. He is just too kind of a person to be mean, I think. I would not let him deny it. I heard what he was saying and then told him, "Well, I STILL am convinced that I am your daughter." I told him about myself and the traits I have that I know came from him. I talked about my career choice and how from the age of eleven I always wanted to work in a hospital. He listened intently and asked me questions. He was too interested for someone who could not possibly be my father! Then I told him about my singing talent. That intrigued him I think. He too sings in the church choir and sings tenor, I am a soprano. I gave him a tape of my singing. I was not planning to go to his office that day but I had my only copy of the tape in my purse. I felt led to give that to him. Before I left his office he hugged me tightly. He showed me pictures of his family also. I saw pictures on the wall. I told him, "I am absolutely sure you are my father now. Whoever that child is in that picture on your wall, he looks exactly like my son when he was small." He just laughed and hugged me again with no admissions. All this from a man who never had a sexual relationship with my mother. 😉

That night when I told Shirley about our conversation she said, "See? I TOLD Faith you were an immaculate conception! I never did anything wrong. The father even confirms that!" She has such a wonderful sense of humor. 


Well, I will stop there for now. It is late. I will get back to it soon. If you have questions or want to discuss your feelings, please do so on the FB Shepherd's Heart page. You may share articles, stories or thoughts to open up dialogue. I offer my story to inspire others to share or to search if desired. We adoptees also need to learn and hear from birth parents when possible. Here is the link to the FB page. 

https://www.facebook.com/shepherdsheartspot


❤️❤️❤️❤️✌️✌️🎵🎶

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Part 7 to My Story

July 31, 1990 

The next night, I was anxiously awaiting 6:00 p.m. so I could call her and make sure this was real. Part of me was afraid it was all a wonderful dream. At 5:50 the phone rang and she said, "Hello, Karen. This is Shirley." Then she giggled. It was so cute. I thought, "Wow, I love this person. How strange and wonderful at the same time. She had told Madison and Faith about me. They were excited to know me. What a gift! I wanted brothers and sisters so desperately when I was a little girl. I talked to Faith for a long time. It was great to finally have a biological sister I could relate to. We too were at ease with one another. I opened up to her about things that even my closest friends do not know. She asked if I have dimples. When I told her I do, she asked if I had big blue eyes also. I said no, my eyes are green. She said, "Good. I was going to be mad if you got the dimples AND the blue eyes!" How cute that was. She said she hoped they did not smother me when I visit, and I thought, "Oh, go ahead. Smother me. I can take it!" I have been so starved for unconditional love from my own family and here I have a whole new group of virtual strangers sharing their life with me. Whatever did I do to deserve this treasure I have found? Shirley told me that Ellis passed away on this date 6 years ago. She said, "I lost a son on this date and now I have gained a daughter." What timing the Lord has when we wait on Him. 

August 1, 1990 

The next night, I fell asleep at 8:30 p.m. because I did not sleep the night before. I took off work that day and gathered pictures to send to her. I also made plane reservations. I called her to tell her of my plans and she said she could not wait to have me in her arms again. I melted when she said that. Thinking about it later I hoped she wouldn't be disappointed because I am this great big woman now. After I fell asleep, the phone rang and this man said, "Katie, this is your big brother, Madison, and I don't want to be left out of all the excitement!" We talked for about 30 minutes and he too made me feel so welcome into the family. I told him I always wanted a big brother to take care of me. Then I got older I wanted a brother so I could meet his friends. He said, "Well, you didn't miss much. My friends were pretty creepy!" I was on top of the world at this point! 

It took about a week for this to absorb. Then, I had the same need to know my father. I now had it confirmed that Dr. Bill is my father. Shirley called him the day after she and I first talked. She was trying to pave the way for me to contact him. That was such an unselfish thing to do for me. He did not respond positively and seemed to think I wanted something from him. He used the word balderdash somewhere in their conversation. Reminiscent of Ebenezer Scrooge in my mind. Over the next two weeks, I talked to Shirley and my new brother and sister several times. I wrote a letter to Dr. Bill, but, then could not mail it for fear someone else might read it. I decided the night Shirley told me of his negative reaction to let him "stew" on it for awhile. I felt with time to get used to the idea he might react more positively. I still thought that all I could hope for from him was maybe one conversation. I had him stereotyped in my mind like some of the arrogant womanizing young doctors I have encountered in my career. The type that seem to think the sun rises and falls because of their grand knowledge. 

Jimmy and his parents were worried about me. They, too, did not expect a good reunion with Dr. Bill. They all three at one time or the other gave their advice to hold off for a bit. They were afraid for me. Everything had been so positive up to that point; they did not want me to mess things up. But, the one detail they did not seem to realize was that God was leading me. I had no one else to depend on and I was listening in my spirit to His lead. You see, people are good intentioned and attempt to understand, but, nobody can really know how I feel. So, I listened to all the advice and appreciated their concern and then prayed and listened to my gut. 


I will stop here for today. My assumptions were very wrong about my father. I was blessed to have him in my life for as long as I did. I am adding a photo of the hospital where I was born. It is unique because it was over a theater. I joke that I was born to perform. ✌️❤️


Friday, July 18, 2014

Part 6 of My Story

July 28, 1990 

At 8:30 p.m.,  Cliff called and said, "Bring me what you've got and I'll find your mother." He was surprised at the amount of information I gave him. He said I should have been a detective. I realize, though, I was being lead by the Spirit. While at his house he called and had Shirley's traffic record checked in OKC. He found nothing. I said, "Wouldn't you know I would have the one person in Oklahoma for a mother that never had so much as a parking ticket. LOL!

July 29, 1990 

We observed the Lord's Supper in a.m. church. This service means a lot to me because it brings to mind afresh and anew the tremendous sacrifice God made when he gave us His only Son. I felt particularly close to God on this day. I went home and never left the the phone in case Shirley called. A friend of mine called her brother that lived in Jacksonville to see if the ad actually ran and if the information was correct. When the day ended without a call I felt disappointed because I figured she did not see the ad or did not care to contact me. 

July 30, 1990 

This is the day that will forever be engraved in my heart. When I got up I resolved to get some work caught and put this all out of my mind for awhile. So much for resolutions! 

At noon Cliff called. He said, "Have you got a pencil? Your sister's name is Faith Ann. You have a brother named Madison. I just talked to your brother. I am now awaiting a call back from your mother." He gave me their birthdays. My brother is 6 years older than me. My sister is 3 years older. I could not believe my ears! Cliff had gone to Dr. Hubbard's office. He told him he is a P.I. working on a case of an incident that happened at 1125 N.E. 20th (25-30) years ago. I was that incident. That was her address. 😉 He said that he knew the resident at that time was Shirley Phipps and she worked at Hubbard Hospital at one time. Dr. Bill had done surgery on Madison's foot in 1984 so there were records of recent employers. Cliff traced Madison through four former employers to Greenville, S. Carolina. He told the same story to Madison. Madison was wary of this strange call, but, took Cliff's number and said he would have his mother call back.

 I was on pins and needles all afternoon. I came home early and sat by the phone. At 6:30 p.m., I felt as though I was on the brink of something. I called Genie, my anchor in all this, and said talk to me. I know Genie has a very strong faith and powerful prayer life. At 7:00 p.m., I received a beep on call waiting. This very sweet voice said, "Is Cliff there?" Then there was a long silence after I said no. There are no words adequate to describe the feeling I had when I heard her voice. I KNEW at that very instant this was my mother on the phone with me. After a long pause, I said tentatively, "This is Karen." She answered in such a cute way, "Now, that's not what I asked you. Does Cliff live there?" I said, "No, he doesn't." She said, "Okay, thank you." and then hung up! When I got back to Genie I could not even talk. I had chills and my heart skipped several beats. I told her I would have to go because I know that was Shirley.

 Steve wasn't home so I called Martie, my mother-in-law. I told her what I thought and she felt that I was making something out of nothing. After all, people get wrong numbers all the time. She told me 2 months ago I would not  have thought anything about it. Then she said, "You do not  know any Cliffs  do you?" I said, "Martie! Cliff is the bounty hunter!" She said, "OH! I did not know his name! Well, in that case, then, yes, Katie, that may have been your mother." Thank you. 😉 We talked for about 15 minutes before she realized my point. I think she thought I was losing it. By the time I got her to understand my line of reasoning, Steve was home. He agreed with me that it must have been Shirley. It was almost 8:00 p.m. by now and I began watching Sunset Blvd. on the television. 

At 8:00 p.m. I could not stand the anticipation anymore. I said, "Steve, pray with me NOW!" We got on our knees before the Lord and I prayed aloud something like this. "Father in heaven, I feel right now that Shirley is scared. In the name of Jesus, I bind you Satan to get away from my mother right now! With the authority given me through the blood of Jesus, I command the spirit of fear and doubt to leave the heart of Shirley. I ask that you cover Shirley, Madison, and Faith with the power of your Holy Blood. How I praise you Father for the mighty works you have already wrought and I trust and believe for the miracles yet to come.” Writing this right now makes me relive this night and I am so filled with love for God and all of my family, new and old, like I have never felt before.

 Fifteen minutes after the prayer, the phone rang. When I answered, no one was there. I repeated hello a few times and finally, that same precious voice from the earlier call said rather resignedly, "Karen...This is Shirley." I said in a too high voice, "Really?" She said, "It's quite a shock, isn't it?" I couldn't believe it. At last I found her! But, being the analytical mind that I am, I said, "Okay, I know what your name was when I was born. You tell me so I'll know you are the right person." (I was a bit concerned by putting my number in the paper that I would find some nut playing a cruel joke.) She answered, "Phipps" I said, "You're right." Looking back on it, I feel embarrassed. I told her she was right like she had won a contest or something. OF COURSE, she knew her name. Then she asked if my husband, Cliff, had called her son, Madison, that day. I told her Cliff was a friend of mine and yes he did call Madison. She wanted to know what I wanted with Madison. How sweet that was to be so concerned for her 38 year old son. She sounded so scared and worried for him. I told her I did not want anything from him. It was her I wanted to find. Then we began to talk and after about 30 minutes I was at such ease with her. She was with me as well and gave me her name, address and phone number. We talked for 2 hours and I was so totally comfortable with her. We had a repoir like I never knew could exist between mother and daughter. I fell completely in love with her during that first phone call. When she hung up she said with such feeling, "I love you, Karen." I was hooked right then. I came in the living room and screamed, "She's normal! She has a healthy mind and we actually relate to one another!" WHAT A FEELING! It was a breath of fresh air after what I was used to in a mother-daughter conversation. I was so excited that I did not sleep that night. I kept re-playing over and over in my mind the moment when she said this is Shirley and when she told me she loves me. 

How it happened that Shirley made the call was as follows: When she got the message to call Cliff she was immediately suspicious. Madison lost the phone number, so Shirley called Victor to find out what was going on. He said he did not know. All he knew was that I told him for her to read the paper. He did not remember which paper. That is how she got the phone number to call me. So, the only really good things Victor did for us was tell me her name was Shirley, tell me the city of Jacksonville, and tell her to read the paper. The things he told me about Shirley not wanting to know me were not true. He also told her untrue things about me. Also, she had not asked for a picture of me. She realizes that would be unfair. She was scared understandably. She had no real idea what kind of person I am, or how I felt toward her. 


I will stop here for now. Wow, again, I am brought back to a defining moment in time. I really have no idea what kind of game Victor was playing with our lives or what the truth was. It does not matter in the long run. It is just frustrating the hoops adoptees have to jump through to gain access to basic facts that most people take for granted. This story of mine was written in real time as it happened. The feelings were authentic. The roller coaster was real. The pain went beyond just myself. It turned my family upside down. My children were in middle school. It was so unfair that they had to live through their mother falling apart before she could become whole again. The twisted thread of secrets and abuse runs long though we can untie it with help. It is a a journey that has ups and downs. ❤️

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Part 5 of My Story

July 17, 1990 

I went to see Judge Ricks again. I told her that I now had both names and she would not be protecting anyone's privacy anymore. I told her about my mitral valve prolapse. She said she would give it consideration with medical reason. When I got home, the DHS papers were in the mail. They had gone to a great deal of trouble to scratch out the name, but I held it up to the light and there it was....Baby Girl Phipps!!! I jumped up and down and said in a sing song manner, "I'm Baby Phipps! That's me!" It felt exquisite to see it in writing! Jimmy, Dawn and Paul called me Baby Phipps for about a week. I called Cliff but he was out of town on a case. We went to Tulsa over the weekend and Cliff could not get hold of me. When I returned to town he was gone again. We kept missing one another.

 July 18, 1990 

I went to the library and searched phone books. I found Shirley's address. I also wrote down every Phipps in Jacksonville. (At some time before this Victor told me he had gotten his phone bill and she is in Jacksonville.) Just 30 minutes before the library closed, the librarian told me about the city directories. I could not believe the wealth of information contained in those. I scanned as much as I could before they closed.

 July 19, 1990 

I left work at noon and went to the county courthouse first and searched marriage licenses and divorces. I got a little excited when there was one Shirley Phipps married in 1971. I got a copy of the license and the girl was 17 at the time. It was not my mother. Then I went to the library and searched every city directory from 1940 to present for Wm. E. Hubbard and Shirley J. Phipps. It took me over four hours to complete the research. When I came home I was drained. My head hurt and I was discouraged. I told Jimmy I give up. 

July 20, 1990 

Jimmy called the marriage license bureau in Jacksonville and got a recording. It costs $2.00 per year to search. How would I know which years to search? On a whim Jimmy called information and asked for Shirley J. Phipps and the operator said the number was unlisted. I was excited again. I was ready at this point to go to Jacksonville and stand on street corners and ask passersby, "Are you my mother?"

 July 24, 1990 

I have the following notes written for this day:

"I am at a standstill. Now, I wait for information and the Lord to do His work. I feel so impatient inside. I am waiting to hear from Theresa at Edmond Hospital about the medical records, Judge Ricks about the adoption papers and Cliff about helping me." 

July 25, 1990 

At work on this day, I was contemplating my situation and prayed for guidance. I felt led to place an ad in a newspaper.  I had thought of this before, but now was the time. I called the Jackson Union Times and they said it would run a week from Sunday. I HAD to get it the next Sunday's paper. So, I federal expressed the money to them. 

July 27, 1990 

I called Victor and told him if he happened to talk to Shirley this weekend, tell her to read the Jackson Union Times classified section. He said he probably would not be talking to her. I had hoped he would call her for me, but he did not offer. 



I am getting closer to the reunion part of the story. There were so many human angels along the way that worked together to assist me. I appreciate those that are taking the time to read this tale. More to come! When the time is right things work out for us all. Hang in there those that still struggle to find your past truth. ❤️

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Part 4 to My Story


July 4, 1990

I talked to Mom, Ruth, and she would not help me. She would give me no information. She said she doesn't know anything. However, she did say would not tell me if she did. She is very angry that I found out. She said knowing my medical history would only prolong my miserable life. I became angry and said my life was not miserable until a couple of weeks ago! She said for me never to bring the subject up again because she would never discuss it. I was so depressed after that. I did not leave the house for the holiday. I just sat around all day and moped. Jimmy returned from Boy Scout camp with Paul. He told the leader about my story. It happens that her husband, Cliff, is a bounty hunter. Cliff told Jimmy when I find a name he could find her for me. 

July 10, 1990 

I bought a Bible for Mom for her birthday. I began writing a letter and the longer I wrote the more angry it sounded. I read it over and suddenly in my heart I felt, "Karen, she is the way she is because she doesn't know Me." I tore the letter up and prayed, "Okay, Jesus, You write it for me!" He gave me the words to witness to her in the letter. He gave me scriptures for her to read. What started as a letter full of bitterness became a letter filled with the love that only comes from above.

July 12, 1990 

I called DHS to see if I could get any non-identifying information about my adoption. Elaine, a DHS employee, was intrigued with my story and said she would look. She does not normally do this for private adoptions. 

July 14, 1990 

I called Ruth to wish her a belated birthday as I could not get hold of her on the 13th. She immediately thanked me for the gift. She said she appreciated it very much. She said it showed a lot of thought. This coming from a woman who never appreciated anything I gave her before. What a miracle! 

July 16, 1990 

Jimmy got a belated birthday card from Mom and Dad. She wrote a funny note in it and also a very sweet birthday wish. This is a big step for my mother. Rosa Lee called Dr. Hubbard. She said she used to work for Dr. Gyles (true) and that she had her son at Hubbard Hospital (true). She said there was a real friendly woman that worked there named Shirley. Rosa Lee said she could jot remember her last name. It might have been Phillips? Dr. Hubbard could not remember anyone fitting the description. He put his nurse on the phone. She said, "Oh, yes. You're talking about Shirley Phipps!" I called DHS again. Elaine said the papers are in the mail but she can not confirm the name. Although Phillips is not quite right. I told her I know the name is Phipps. She said she could not confirm that. Then she told me about a reunion registry and said, "If you do register, be sure and give that name you have." Now I knew Phipps was right.



















Part 3 to My Story


June 25, 1990 

I was talking to my former teacher from college. I asked if she had ever heard of Hubbard Hospital. She said, "Yes. In fact the former program director of the OU Respiratory Therapy Program, John Hubbard, his family founded that hospital." He is in his 50's and now is in upper administration at Oklahoma Memorial Hospital. He is a registered respiratory therapist, also. I thought to myself, "Wow, respiratory therapy is in my blood! What a scary thought." 

June 26, 1990 

I talked to Genie and Rosa Lee. We planned to meet on Friday the 29th in Perry. Rosa Lee had talked to Jay, a first cousin of Dr. Gyles. She had been to my birthmother's house with Gyles some time after I was born. Her name definitely was Shirley.

June 27, 1990 

I called Victor to get him to go to Perry with me. He had said on Saturday that he would be willing to meet with us. Now, he said, "There is no need to meet. I have something which I am hesitant to tell you. Your mother called me." I immediately thought he meant Ruth had called to tell him not to help me. I was furious and told him so. He said, "Not Ruth! I mean your MOTHER." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I asked what she wanted. It did not even occur to me that she might care about my well being. This is what he told me. My mother called him asking about me on either Memorial Day or Mother's Day. Her name is Shirley. She is in Florida. He has her current name and phone number. She wants to meet me. She lost her foot in some kind of accident. He mentioned Tampa. It could have been a little town around Tampa. My father played the part of Jesus in the Guthrie Easter Pageant. Shirley had lost a lot of weight. She was poor.

June 28, 1990 

Jimmy and I met with Victor to try and get some information from him. We thought seeing me and my big pitiful eyes might soften the old guy's heart. No such luck! He did agree to call Shirley for me. I specifically told him to tell her to place an ad in the Daily Oklahoman Sunday paper. I bought the paper early every Sunday after that and scanned for anything that might pertain to me. 

June 29, 1990 

When I got home from work, I immediately called Victor to see if he had called her yet. He did not even 
bother to call me himself.

He told me the following information: Shirley does not want to see me. She was fine in just knowing that I am "okay". I have a sister one year older living with her and a brother with five kids who do not know about me. Her husband died, one brother of mine died, her house burnt down and she had an accident which took her foot off but it was sewn back on. She is seeing a therapist who advised her not to contact me. It might disrupt both of our lives. But she wants a picture of me.

This pierced my heart. I was so hurt and angry. How dare her think I would send a picture without any conversation? That would be giving a piece of myself with nothing in return. She would be content in solving her curiosity and I would be left to wonder. No, I could NOT send a picture without any other contact. I asked if he told her about my placing the ad and he said no because she frankly is not interested. I felt like the fear of disrupting our lives was a mute point. My life was already disrupted. As far as my being "okay", well, I had now lost eight pounds in less than two weeks and could not sleep or work at home or on the job. I asked if he would mail a letter. He said he would. 

July 3, 1990 

I got the letter ready to mail and called Victor for his mailing address. He now said he could not mail a letter. How would he know that I did not put "identifying" information in there? I said read it. It's coming to your house. He told me he did not have her address. I said, "Call her and get it." He said that she does not want to give it to him and besides she is moving. I said, "So? Mail gets forwarded!" He said go ahead and mail the letter and we would have to wait to see if Shirley contacts him again. He urged me to send a picture and also pushed me to get permission from the Willinghams for him to give me her name and number. There was no way I was going to ask permission of my parents at my age. Besides, I KNOW Ruth all too well. She would not have helped me in any way.




This is all of part three for now. Reading this again brings me back to a very dark frustrating time in my life. To be an adult and have people of authority denying me the right to know the very basics of the truth about myself was maddening. This lawyer was of no help whatsoever. I am still quite amazed that Shirley called him just a month before I found out I was adopted. Serendipity, anyone? Actually, my half sister had a dream that she told my mother about in which she had two little sisters that were missing. Oh, the story does get curiouser and curiouser! Stay tuned! More to come.....😉




Part 2 to My Story





We left for home. Dawn And Paul, our precious children had remained in Arkansas for two weeks. I cried all the way home. I was shocked. I felt betrayed, crushed, devastated, confused, hurt, and stupid all rolled up in one. It was a horrible day! I cried myself to sleep that night. Jimmy was very supportive. He felt bad because he could not cheer me up like usual. Just as I got to sleep, Jimmy shook me and shouted with excitement, "Paul is not going to be bald!" (Earl has been bald since he was 20 years old. The gene for baldness is passed from father to daughter who then gives it to her son.) Leave it to my dear Jimmy to brighten up any dark situation. That was the only laugh I had that day. 

June 18, 1990

Monday when I woke up, I was obsessed with the need to know something. I was driven to search for the truth. I felt desperate for knowledge. The rug had been pulled out from under my neat tidy little idea of who I am. All that work in therapy to find myself and now I have to start over. Poor Jimmy, I don't think he knew when he married me I would have so many crisis to work through. I called the Dept. Of Vital Statistics to find out how I could get a copy of my original birth certificate. I talked to a John Parker who said, "Just go down to the courthouse and get a court order and we'll release them to you."

June 19, 1990 

Tuesday morning, my best friend, Linda, went with me to see Judge Kelly. I was not prepared for the question "why did I want to know?" I thought why wouldn't I want to know? I could not believe it was not my right to know. My entire medical history was inaccurate. My request was denied without medical reason. I went to work late that day and wasn't very productive. At 2:00 p.m. my boss, Betty, said, "Come on. Let's go to the library and search newspapers." We spent about 30 minutes looking at Dec. 17,18,19, 20, 21, 22, 1957. Of course, there was nothing. I knew there wouldn't be with a prearranged adoption. But it was all I could do at that point. We then went to get a copy of my amended birth certificate in case there might be any clues there. That evening, I called my Aunt Lola. I was thinking Mom's sister might know something. All she knew from family gossip was that my birth mother had been married at the time of my birth with "several" children already. That certainly didn't make me feel any better. I thought if she was married with children already, then— what was wrong with me? I felt rejected and unwanted. 

June 20, 1990

Betty, my boss, called her friend at Edmond to see if there are birth records listed by date. This whole week I was totally dysfunctional. I couldn't eat or sleep. My attention span was nil. I cried all the time. Even though I wasn't resting well, all I wanted to do was stay in bed. This was a time for Jimmy and I without the kids around and I was a mess. I could think or talk of nothing else. 

June 21, 1990 

I called an attorney who is married to a co-worker. He was no real help. Everything he told me to do I had already done. All I knew was that William T. Gyles delivered me and he died in a fire in Harrah, Ok. So, I called the only Gyles listed in the telephone book. He was a relative of William T. and confirmed that Gyles was a physician that delivered babies.  

June 22, 1990 

Friday evening around 8:00 p.m., I was alone and in despair. I began to pray for help and the Lord told me in my heart to call Juanita. We sang in choir together in the church in Harrah. She might remember the dr. who died in a fire in Harrah in 1960. Of all the people in Harrah I could have called, God led me to the person who's mother worked for Dr. Gyles in 1959. Juanita called her mother. She told me Rosa Lee was Dr. Gyles head nurse for the whole time he was in Harrah. She gave me her phone number. Rosa Lee cleared out his office when he died. Juanita's sister was delivered by Dr. Gyles at Hubbard Hospital. 

June 23, 1990 

This was my biggest day for breakthroughs. I was on the phone literally from 9:00 a.m. until close to 6:00 p.m. with only a 10 minute break to wolf down a sandwich. I was driven and I was on a roll! Every person I talked to gave me some useful information to fit in the puzzle. I will list each call with the information received in order to the best of my memory. 
0900- Bill - my hairdresser called and told me he had talked to one of his customers who is an adoptee who found her mother. He said I need to first find out if there is indeed an original birth certificate. I then got my divorce decree out from my first short marriage. I remembered that Earl recommended the attorney for my divorce. The attorney's name was Victor Protzman.

Rosa Lee — She said that Dr. Gyles was from Rush Springs. He only practiced at Hubbard Hospital in OKC. The hospital was destroyed when urban renewal was done. His partner was Dr. Bill Hubbard. Rosa Lee took care of Gyle's things after he died and the records were destroyed. Dr. Gyles worked with two lawyers out of Del City. They were from Rush Springs also. Victor Protzman handled adoptions.

Dr. Bill Hubbard-- I called a number for Dr. Bill thinking I was calling his home. It was his office and he isn't in on Saturdays. I was prepared to tell him my story and ask if he could tell me what happened to the records from Hubbard Hospital. I did not notice at this time that his home phone number is also listed. 

Victor Protzman— He remembered me. He said, "You worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken and you have green eyes!" We talked for an hour and a half. He said he didn't remember which adoption I was. He handled several adoptions in 1957. He moved here from Rush Springs that year. He helped one man who was selling his 15 kids. He was poor and in trouble for baby selling. Victor adopted the children out. My heart sank with that story. After much discussion he said there was one woman who worked in doctor's offices doing insurance. She was very good with paperwork and in much demand. He thought she was married, had kids and her husband was in the pen. "Oh, great!", I thought. He said Genie, Dr. Gyles widow might know something. 

Gyles relative in telephone book -- I called to see if he knew whatever happened to Genie Gyles. He called me back even though he didn't even know my name. He told me Wm. T. Gyles was born 1924 in Weatherford, Oklahoma. His father's name was Henry. Mother's maiden name was Taylor. He died in 1960 and was buried in Weatherford. He had one brother who died in a plane crash. He married Carol Merrifield from Enid. She died in a car accident. He then married Geneva. They had one daughter. Nadine knows Gyles family history. She might know what happened to Genie. I could not find her.

Rosa Lee — I asked if she knew where is Genie? She did not know. Genie had two kids, Bill and Margie. She said Juanita's mother might know what happened to her.

Juanita — She called her mother and not only did she know where Genie is, she gave me her current name, address, and phone number. 

Genie — 2:47 p.m.—How I pray for God to bless this very dear woman in a very special way. She has been so dear to me and I miss her now that I haven't needed her help as much. I love her and have never seen her face yet. I said, "I was born on a particular date and I believe I was delivered by your former husband. I am trying to find any information about my birth." There was silence for several seconds.. She said quietly, "What was your name?" I told her. She said, "Katie, I can tell you the whole story!" I began to cry and said, "Praise the Lord!" without hesitation. She said she was in shock because she was just talking to her husband about me two weeks prior to my call. She had been wondering what happened to me and had felt led to pray for me. Then miracle of miracles began as she told me the following story. 

Dr. Gyles was a distant cousin of the Willingham's. Ruth and Earl went to him for a physician as shirt tail relatives. Ruth was very depressed because she could not have children. She had begun to walk like an old woman. Her hair was stringy and she was severely depressed because she wanted a baby so bad. Dr. Gyles worked at Hubbard Hospital. Dr. Bill Hubbard was Gyles partner. There was a woman that worked there also. Her husband was overseas. She had a love affair with Dr. Bill and became pregnant. Both were married to other people. She told her story to Dr. Gyles. Gyles contacted Victor Protzman and they arranged the adoption. She said my mother was sweet, loving, kind, highly intelligent, not college educated, liked to read a lot. She said she was a real character and had a wonderful sense of humor. She said she was open and honest. She couldn't tell a lie easily. She worked at Hubbard Hospital and later in a doctor's office. She was about 5"5" with dark blond to light brown hair. She was a large boned woman and was attractive. Genie asked if that sounded familiar to me. I said, "If I were to describe myself that is how I would say it!" She had three or four other children. She could not remember my mother's name. She also said my mother was very good with her children. She loved her children very deeply and it was apparent to those around her. 

Victor Protzman— Now I asked if he could recall which adoption I was with this added information. He said, "Oh, yes." I was born at Edmond Hospital. It was upstairs then. Victor had to pick me up at the hospital. The nurse gave me to my mother. She looked at me and quickly handed me to Victor. He carried me in an old ugly sheet down a long flight of stairs. When he arrived at the car, Earl was standing between him and the car. Victor said, "I hope you have some clothes for this little girl!" Earl stepped aside and the car was filled with clothes, toys, and a bassinet. Victor had never seen the like! And the smiles on their faces! It was the happiest adoption he had ever done. He said my mother's name was Shirley, but he couldn't remember the last name. It might have been Phillips? I felt relief and at peace. Praise be to God! I felt a sense of belonging. It all made sense somehow. I felt compassion and love toward all four parents. I now had an intense need within to find my mother. What joy I felt in knowing the lonely little girl inside of me had siblings somewhere!!
I talked to Genie and Rosa Lee again after Victor. Genie wanted to meet with Victor, Rosa Lee and myself. She thought seeing me might jog Victor's memory. She thought I might look like my mother.






















Saturday, July 12, 2014

My Story Part 1

I will post my story in parts/chapters from time to time. The names of been changed to protect the innocent as well as the not so innocent. It was an amazing time finding my birth family. 


My Search for Truth or How I Spent My Summer Vacation 

By: Katie Scarlett formerly known as Baby Girl Phillips

On June 16, 1990, I attended the Willingham Family Reunion in Arkansas. As I was looking about, I noticed how the family all resembled one another. Jimmy made the comment that I did not look like my family. I had attended the reunion for two reasons. First, I went for my dad's sake. Secondly, I was extremely interested in tracing my roots. I had found out about an paternal ancestor who was a Native American chief. He was an ally, as well as, a foe of Andrew Jackson in the 1820's. I went about asking questions of all the older people at the reunion. I looked at pictures and found some of Earl, my adoptive father, when he was a little boy. I studied his face intently trying to find some resemblance to me or my children. I had always wondered why I was so different from everyone in my family. 

At the end of the day, an older cousin, E. J. and his wife came up to us. E. J.'s wife said, "Oh, I remember you, when you were just a little bitty thing right after Earl and Ruth got you!" When they walked away, I said to Jimmy, "Did you notice anything strange in that conversation?" Jimmy said, "Yeah, got you from where? Under a rock or what?" That evening, I poured through pictures with a diligence. I was looking for anything that might give me the truth without my asking Mom. I was fearful of asking her. I have had too many negative confrontations with her in my life and wanted to avoid a scene. I spent 5 hours looking at a chicken crate full of pictures of my growing up years. One of the first ones I looked at was of Mom holding me when I was one week old. She was in a form fitting dress and was shapely. I really knew at that point that I was adopted, but, I needed it confirmed. I looked at old newspaper clippings also and found one about the fire that killed the doctor that delivered me. There was a picture of a baby that was abandoned on the roadside around McAlester, Ok. I stared at that baby intently wondering if that was me. 

June 17, 1990  

The next morning was Father's Day. I couldn't stand not knowing for sure. I told Mom what E. J. said. 

I then said, "Mom, am I adopted, too?" She said no too quickly. I said, "Mom, if I am, please tell me. You are my mother and always will be, but I have the right to know." 

She still denied it. I said, "I'm sorry to hurt you like this. In this picture of you with me, you look too good. I have had two babies. I know this is not a picture of a woman who recently gave birth." 

She began to cry and said that I was in fact adopted at birth. She said as long as I did not know I was adopted then I was hers. She said things would never be the same between us again. I tried to reassure her but it was no use. She said, "Now you'll go and find you have a pretty mother and you won't love me anymore. " 

I was hurt, angry, and shocked all at once. I could not agree with her reasoning or understand her thinking. I don't "belong" to anyone anymore. I am a human being and not a possession to be owned. I remembered when I was a teenager and she would say I couldn't do thus and so because I "belonged" to her. I hated that terminology with a passion. I always wanted to be allowed to be my own person. I wanted to be respected as able to have my own independent feelings. I did not like having to always dress and do what they wanted me to.